Never Split the Difference

Assumptions blind, hypotheses guide

• A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for possible surprises; a great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find

• Do not commit to assumptions. View them as hypotheses, and test them rigorously during the negotiation

Calm the schizophrenic

• People who view negotiation as a battle of arguments become overwhelmed by the voices in their head. Negotiation is not an act of battle; it's a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.

• To quiet the voices in your head, focus on the other person and to what they have to say

Slow. It. Down. 

• Going too fast won't help. If we're too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they are not being heard. You risk undermining the rapport and trust you've built.

The voice: 3 different tones when negotiating

1. The "late night FM DJ voice": used to make a point. Inflect the voice downward, keep it calm and slow. It can create an aura of authority and trustworthiness, without triggering defensiveness.

2. The positive/playful voice: default voice. Easy going, good-natured. Light and encouraging attitude. Relax and smile when you talk.

3. The direct assertive voice: used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback

• Put a smile on your face. When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly, and they are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve (instead of fight and resist). Positivity creates mental agility for both you and your counterpart.

Mirroring

• Repeat the last three words of what someone has just said. This insinuates similarity and creates bonding. It encourages the other to empathize, keep people talking, and encourage the other to reveal their strategy.